Sonic: Hedgehogs Don't Wear Ties
by quetipblanketxoxo
Summary: Sonic almost gave up hope after her death, but found love in an unlikely place. Meanwhile, Tails makes a new friend. Contains TailsxSpinosaurus, and Jurassic park.


She was dead. Two horizontal cuts to the wrist had finished her off. Amy, the beautiful pink companion of Sonic the hedgehog had passed on. Sonic would spend days, weeks, months mourning over her…unable to cope with her death. Things had gotten so bad that Sonic turned to Robotnik for comfort. The egg-shaped doctor spuriously comforted Sonic…often through sex. Sonic preferred to have sex on top of Amy's maggot ridden corpse, that he enjoyed sucking the maggot out of one by one as Robotnik drove his penis deeper and deeper into his butt.

Sonic's fur was now a black hue; he had dyed it that way to show his grief for Amy's death. He sulked around Robotnik's new fortress in Costa Rica filled with angst, followed by Tails…who also became a wrist cutting gothic brooder. The new fortress Robotnik—now a leader of a neo-Nazi movement—had purchased was in an old theme park called Jurassic park. The dinosaurs that once roamed the park still remained, and Robotnik was aiming to turn them into robotized eskimo homosexual dinosaurs that he would unleash upon the world.

In his room, Sonic and Tails sat underneath the strung up corpse of Amy, and we taking turns cutting themselves and smearing the blood upon her face.

"Life is fucking piss, man." Sonic said, whipping his small, blue phallus back and forth.

"I know bro." Tails said, snorting cocaine into his asshole.

"We're causing enough well deserved misery for people now in the present. Let's cause misery for people in the past." Sonic exclaimed. He squatted down, and squeezed. He squeezed and squeezed until out of his ass…three DALEKS emerged. With their lights blinking, Sonic grabbed the fleshlight off of his bed and stabbed it into Tails' asshole, creating a black hole that sucked up everything except for sonic…who clung onto his prized picture of Hitler anal fucking Josef Stalin and Jesus's half-brother Dave while doing a handstand on top of the Empire state building all the while eating yogurt and crapping out the heads of raped children.

The DALEKS emerged in 1877, in the Russian Empire. It was a fine spring day and the cold harsh weather of Russia was beginning to warm up. The DALEKS looked around with their stuff…they were going to cause havoc.

Bika Ambon is a kind of cake from Indonesia. Made from ingredients such as tapioca and sago flour, eggs, sugar and coconut milk, Bika Ambon generally sold in pandan flavour, although now available also other flavors like banana, durian, cheese, chocolate.

Although the name contains the word "Ambon", the name of an island and its largest city, Bika Ambon is widely known as the specialty cake of Medan in North Sumatra and often brought as a gift by those whom visited the city. The origins of Bika Ambon are not known, however there is some speculation that they came to Medan through Ambonese traders, where the locals took a liking to it. Mojopahit Street, Medan Petisah is a most famous sales region of Bika Ambon in Medan, North Sumatra. There are at least 40 stores that sell this kind of cake.

Bika Ambon is also made popular recently around the central Java. Thanks to few retail shops such as Larizo who sells various Indonesian traditional cakes.

Nearby, in the Alexander Garden of Moscow, Count Alexi Kirilovich Vronsky and his lover, Anna Arkadyevna Karenina was enjoying a picnic; the food they had brought with them on that fine day was superb and cooked by Vronsky's finest chef. They had brought a cask of wine—Marsanne—to be exact, which they drank minimal and gentile amounts of. Vronsky admired Anna, he loved everything about her. Her curled, dark hair, the slim and beautiful waistline, her ample bosom, the way she was dressed, and the way she carried herself. He loved having her around him, she was his everything.

"Anna…" he said, careful not to spill any of the wine on his fine white uniform.

"Yes Alexi?" she smiled.

"I would like to say this now…in case of a contingent state of misfortune. Anna…" he grabbed her hands, kissing them, "I would like you to be my…" before he could finish, the DALEKS arrived! Using their…dalek power thingies they caught her in the air and dragged her forward in time, not even giving her enough time to scream. Vrosnky remained motionless, then howled at the top of his lungs: "Anna! My love! I will revenge you!" looking around, he saw a TARDIS that had been left behind by the god of BDSM-Corioamator after an intense BDSM session involving Christopher Walken, a tuba, a banana cream pie, Nicholas cage, Michael Bolton, and a lemur on stilts wearing a Barack Obama mask.

Without haste, Vrosnky dived into the TARDIS and used his manly Russian powers to send him forward in time to 2006, where…coincidentally, he landed in Costa Rica, at Jurassic park…where Anna was! However, he found himself stuck in the slimy, shit ridden asshole of an Apatosaurus. Unable to escape and knowing he would die if he did not escape soon due to the toxic ass chemicals and the diarrhea the monster had, he unbuttoned his pants and unsheathed his Rasputin sized cock. He drove the penis into the brain of the monster, killing it, and Vronsky…turning his penis into a chainsaw, ripped through the skin of the monster. His penis then reverted to its original form and he cloaked himself in the carcass of the Apatosaurus. He poked the eyes out so he could see and pulled his legs through the bottom of the dinosaur so he could move. Disguised, he began to move throughout the park.

"I am here…now I must find Anna and bring her back to Russia so she and I may finally be together in peace." He felt WEPONS in their respective holsters, his two revolvers and his cavalry sabre. Adjusting his coat, he pressed onwards.

Coming to a field, he encountered the first bad guy, a gallimimmus with a seal-fur hood, a chainsaw tail, and an oversized penis. The creature shrieked and charged Vronsky, swinging its bloody chainsaw tail at the Count. Everytime he merely backflipped and dodged the attack. Eventually, he unsheathed his sabre and sliced the head off of the dinosaur because slicing its head off was its weakness.

"_Chyort_!" Vronsky ejaculated…no not in that way but as in 'exclaimed.' Then he ejaculated for real because he thought of a time when he had sexual intercourse with Anna for about the seventh time. Continuing onwards, still disguised as an Apatosaurus, he came face to face with a tyrannosaur. The beast roared and gave chase. Despite being a brave warrior, he was no match for a forty foot prehistoric reptile. He fled, and drew his revolvers. Coming to a cave, he stopped and began to fire all twelve barrels of his revolvers. Weakened with twelve bullets inside of him—most in the head, the beast collapsed in front of the Slav. Walking up to it, Vrosnky unsheathed his sabre and stabbed it in the eye. The beast let out its final breath. Withdrawing his sabre, Vronsky wiped the blood off the blade and sheathed his blade.

Back at the lair of Robotnik, the fat eggman angrily shut off the security camera covering the sector Vronsky was in.

"That stupid Russian will never win! He is a Slav; Slavs are inferior to the true Aryan race! Tails! Go kill him!."

"Okay." Tails said, sucking the dick of a young male. He grabbed his patented naked Barack Obama shaped mace and set out to kill the Russian.

"Sonic!" ejaculated (no not in that way you pervert.) to sonic.

"Yes Robotnik?" Sonic said while slitting his wrist and drinking the fresh blood from his wrist.

"Bring me one of the Seven million orphans we have captured! Preferably one without AIDs…you know…all the black ones."

Sonic brought an orphan out from the orphan cage. He slit his throat with a plastic spoon, ignoring his pleas for mercy. Then he ripped off all the limbs of the dead orphan. Blood drenching the room like a girl after she squirts during sex, Sonic and Robotnik started to fuck each other.

"OH SONIC! YOUR FURRY HEDGEHOG PENIS FEELS GOOD!" Robotnik shouted with sonics thing-a-majig in his asshole

"Stretch that asshole!" Sonic screamed, tears welling in his eyes and Robotnik's terrible orange steve buscemi shaped thing in his sarlaac pit. It felt great or kinda I've never had anal.

So meanwhile, at an exhibit where a spinosaurus—recently turned into a Gay eskimo robot—was being kept. Vronsky strolled around the walkway above the exhibit observing the spinosaurus.

"Such strange creatures…giant behemoths of reptiles. Could these perhaps be the "terrible lizards" recently being excavated by scientists?" Vronsky recalled reading an article about the discovery of an 'apatosaurus' the same dinosaur he had cloaked himself in earlier. The subject interested Vronsky, who contemplated doing paleontology if he ever got the chance. Stopping for a moment to admire the majestic creature, he thought about Anna, about their daughter, about what life would be like with them when they returned to Russia. Suddenly, the count came face to face with a black fox holding a peculiarly shaped mace.

"I have to kill you now mister." It said.

"Pardon?" Vronsky said, alarmed at the talking fox that stood before him.

"DIE YOU BITCH!" the fox flew towards him, using its tails to keep it in the air. Drawing his revolvers, Vronsky fired at the creature attacking him but only heard a click. He had run out of ammunition. Tails swung down at him, fracturing Vronsky's shoulder. The count drew his sabre and returned the blows. Managing to chop one of the tails off of the Fox. He fell to the ground, unable to fly away. The fox kicked Vrosnky and Vrosnky slashed him in the face in return.

Both combatants angry, they charged at each other. Vronsky deflecting a blow from the black fox and then dodging another attack. Tails' mace struck the window overlooking the Spinosaurus' habitat, shattering the glass. Seeing an opportunity, Vronsky picked up the fox and threw him out of the window. The fox hit a rock, then fell onto the floor of the habitat, severely bloodied.

Hearing a roar behind him, the fox sensed the reptile behind him but could not to anything. The gay eskimo robot spinosaurus saw the opportunity for a sexual encounter and readied his penis.

The giant cock of the spinosaurus penetrated Tails' asshole, causing him to scream in pain. As the robotized Dino's cock burned with ecstacy…the small asshole of the formerly dual tailed fox bled with pain. Then, the phallus of the giant reptile penetrated through the fox's head…paralyzing him and leaving him unable to do anything as the behemoth climaxed…finally killing the vulpes. Count Vronsky wiped the blood off his coat and proudly walked away; shocked at the grisly scene he had just been a witness to, but prideful over his victory.

Vronsky would stop at nothing until he found Anna. He knew she had been taken here. Whoever took her from him would pay severely. The Russian would kill every living thing inside the park if he had to. He reloaded his revolvers, ready to fight again if necessary.

Robotnik and Sonic had finished having sex, and had been too distracted to notice that Tails had been killed by Vronsky. The blood, puss and cum (bloodussum) of the orphan and the couple filled the room and left a musky odor.

A lone rubber ducky floated upon the river of Bloodussum.

Sonic was wearing the head of the orphan on his head, and looked up at the security cameras. "Oh shit" he said to himself, "there are two Stegosauri mating in one of these cameras!" he began to stroke his hedgecock.


End file.
